Feeling sad

So, I’m feeling sad today… Having thoughts of the abuse we went through. Trying not to let thoughts of suicide come back into my mind. Amilia really wants to cut right now… We have things we could use…. but we know if we cut it wouldn’t be good for us. So, I had four more littles introduce themselves to me. Their names are Angellica, Sara, Melissa, and Becky. Becky is four, Sara is 9, Melissa is 6, and Angellica is 7. So now in all there are nine of us. I don’t know if I’ve discovered all of my alters yet or not. Just feeling really lonely, and could really use someone to talk to. I could really use a friend right now. It’s like 5:49 Am here where I live, and I’ve been awake since 5:02 this morning. Thoughts keep spinning through my mind. I don’t know what to do with it all. I go on Tuesday for my academic advising appointment at college. I’m supposed to meet with my DRS counselor to on that day. He knows about our DID diagnosis. I love my counselor. I asked her what she would do if we were ever in a crisis, and she said she would send me to the hospital if need be. I just really need a friend.

20 thoughts on “Feeling sad

  1. I have lots of alters too and it’s difficult for people to understand. Fortunately I haven’t switched in a while so am adult me today. I’m here if you want a friend Xx B.E

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      1. I am writing a post about PTSD as we speak but can chat too. Early mornings are the worst aren’t they, the time when problems seem like giant mountains and sadness and anxiety is often at it’s worst. Do you want distraction and cheer leading, or empathy xx

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      2. Ok lovely Xx I can start with hugs from one survivor to another. I know having these alters is scary, but without them we wouldn’t have coped. Our brains are clever machines. How far into your psychological treatment are you? How old are you? Can you tell me about where you are right now? I’m BE, I’m 34, have two kiddies who are driving me mad as it’s the school holidays! and I have two dogs-do you have any pets? x

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      3. I have no pets. I’m 23. I’m only in my third month of therapy. There before the dissociative identity disorder.

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      4. I bet you’ll be feeling very confused then about everything as it’s all new to you. Bless you. My psychologist tells me when I go into my child personalities to bring myself back to the present by breaking out of the dissociation, then I’ll feel like an adult again. I know you probably feel awful but you’re safe and you chatting to me. Can you sing to yourself, what’s your favourite song?

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      5. Ah I love that! It’s one of my faves too. Can you find some other ones you like to sing along too…I like Grace. You don’t own me and anything by Lana del Rey 🙂

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      6. I am gonna publish myy post in a min. I’m so depressed. Sorry I haven’t been more help to you

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  2. I have been where you are – and I’ve gotten better. It can get better for you as well. When we are depressed, we isolate, and that only makes the depression worse. Normally, I would say to be with others, don’t isolate, but they are just words and I’m no better at it than you, probably. I am glad you stumbled across my blog, and I hope you continue to come, as I pour words out onto the screen. Be safe.

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