memories…

Trigger warning:

So, yesterday, I was reading something about dissociative identity disorder and the cultm, and they mentioned canabalism…… This brought back memories for me. I can remember when they killed the babies infront of me and then made us eat the meat. I will not eat red meat again after this. I just wish I could make the memories go away… I’m just done with them….

update time

So, I’m doing really not ok…… Thoughts of suicide are coming back. I just wish I knew how to manage all this. Suicidal thoughts are filtering from my alters to me. I’m learning new coping skills in therapy that should help me better handle all this. I’m in a bit of a crisis right now…. Alters are all in upheaval right now about going back to school. I just wish I could fix things. I wish I could make things calm down. I wish I could make people calm down. Amilia was programmed to kill the body shouldthe memories come out, and she will stop at nothing until that’s done.

update time!!!!!

Trigger warning:

So, I’m doing relatively well today… I just want to get rid of all the memories about the cult…

Hey, it’s Amilia, and I just want to get rid of the memories. I hate thinking about the cult and killing babies. I hate the thought of eating the meat of the babies after they were killed. I just wish I could just make all the memories go away. I just wish I could just make everything stop.

suicidal alters…

So, I have some alters who are suicidal… They’re just not wanting to live… I might have to drop my college classes because I haven’t gotten my books yet. I just wish I could finish school….. I just want to get through it…. Really struggling right now….

[categories personal, suicide, crisis]

need help

So, I’m feeling really overwhelmed. Alters are suicidal… Just really anxious right now. Mental illness is so debilitating. I just wish I could make it through school. Just feeling really alone right now… I just wish I could finish my classes without dropping them. I just don’t know what to do anymore….

Update time

So, I’m glad to be home for Christmas. Christmas is a very hard time of year for me, because my brother attempted to rape me on Christmas night when I was 15. I’m trying to make the best of it. I’m glad to be with my family. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve, I can’t wait. 🙂

Update time!

So, I’m glad to be home for Christmas. We are having Mexican food on Christmas eve night. We are having tamales, enchiladas, chips and salsa, and I don’t know what else. Altars are doing relatively well today. No suicidal alters everyone is feeling say. I use our mantra all the time, “we are safe.”