feeling suicidal

So, I’m feeling suicidal. Last night one of my so-called friends judged me for self-harming which something she does herself. She then proceeded to tell me that her story was worse than mine. a counselor made me talk about the abuse I went through without giving me grounding techniques. I called my foster mom for support, and she sent me a long text message that says, Dear red thank you for your weekly phone call. I’m doing fine and so are the boys, thanks I’m doing fine and so are the boys, thanks for asking. I used to love getting I used to hate getting hung up on but now the Slick of the phone has become an enduring Melody. I clearly don’t know how to love a person like you I look forward to your phone call next love you, Mom. I called The Suicide Hotline and talk to them for a little bit. They called me back this morning to do a check in. This stuff the only thing they did was put me on team minute checks and they didn’t do anything else. The people here The people here aren’t helping me. I can’t wait to go to Michigan. I spoke with my counselor today, and she asked me what I got being in a crisis. I told her that I like being in crisis because part of me is comfortable with being ill. I told her that part of me doesn’t like being in a crisis because it only keeps me safe for a certain amount of time. The other reason I like being in crisis is because I get attention and nurturing from people. my therapist the other day asked me why my psychiatrist has not diagnosed me with dissociative identity disorder, and I told her, it’s because he believes it does not exist. My therapist the other day asked me why my psychiatrist has not diagnosed me with dissociative identity disorder, and I told her, it’s because he believes it does not exist. I don’t have any specific plans, but I would like things to stop an end. I’m tired of reliving my drama, I’m tired of my alters reliving the trauma, and I’m just sick and I don’t have any specific plans, but I would like things to stop an end. I’m tired of reliving my trauma, I’m tired of my alters reliving the trauma, and I’m just sick and tired of everything. I’m writing all of this in an attempt to make my blog posts longer so I get more I’m writing all of this in an attempt to make my blog posts longer so I get more readers. I just wanted to thank everyone who supports me on this blog and my YouTube channel. You can find YouTube channel at my therapy space. Sorry for all of the mistakes in this blog. I voice to text to write this blog post. I’m doing it by email on my phone. anyway, back to the conversation with my foster mom, she told me I do the same thing to them and expect them to forgive me. She told me that because I have mental illness I expect them to give me. She says, why don’t you have the same courtesy for your friend? I said it’s different like your family. I have to go back to you because you’re the only family I have left. I meant for kids not I meant for give not give if anyone is out there I could really use a friend right now Support those of really long way. I just need to make it to Michigan. I don’t know how long the process is going to take for me to get there, but I need to make it there in one piece.

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