Frustrations!

So, I went to sleep at around 930 last night and woke up at around 130. I’ve been went back to sleep and woke up at like 330, and then I went back to sleep and woke up around 530. I decided to stay awake then because I knew I wasn’t going to get any more sleep. I then went to ask if I could take a shower on third shift, and they told me to wait until first shift got here. So I waited until first shift I got here and ask them. They told me that they could help me, so I went to turn on the music in my bathroom because I can’t take a shower without music playing or I’ll have a panic attack. Then, one of my sweet mates decided to go tell the staff that the music was bothering her. I will leave around three older ladies all in their 60s, and I’m 24. I’m just frustrated by this whole thing. I live around three other ladies who are like in their 60s. The music was coming through my iPod speaker which isn’t very loud. Yesterday, my boyfriend made a smell some of his cologne and ask and body wash. It triggered some other insiders to do their programming. They wanted to die. I did everything I could to keep them from coming out. I guess I was successful, but I was up most the night last night because I couldn’t sleep because they kept saying things to me. I just want to leave this place. I hate living here. I hope this post isn’t too long, but I hope more people read my blog now. I will try to tag this post, but don’t know how successful I will be as I’m using the iPod app. If anyone is out there reading this, I would appreciate some support as I am struggling today. I don’t even know what to tell my counselor later today after our DBT group.

2 Replies to “Frustrations!”

  1. If I am triggered during the day, I also have an issue with sleeping at night. The flashbacks and nightmares are to much, and the old feelings of anxiety pop up. The hypervigilence can be the worst. Sorry to read about the people that you are living with. If you need the music as one of your coping skills maybe you could get a note from your therapist in order to use the music. Then, they could not really complain.

    As for reading your blog, I follow it. I think of my blog as a way to put out into the universe what is going on. I do it for me. If people read it, that is great. If they do not, I know that I am putting what is going on out there and anyone who relates to it can read it.

    Having parts is hard. those who do not have DID do not understand. The sleeping, everyone can relate to, along with roommate issues. I hope that therapy helps today and that you can sleep a little better this evening.

    Liked by 1 person

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