Category Archives: eating disorders

https://groups.io/g/anorexia-support

I’ve created a new email support group for people living with anorexia. This group is for anyone in recovery from anorexia or their families. It doesn’t matter what stage of recovery you are at. No mention of weight, calories, clothing sizes or anything like that. If you do, please put a trigger warning where it needs to go.

feeling sad

So, today, I’m feeling sad. My medication isn’t working anymore…. I see my doctor at the beginning of this month. He’s supposed to be helping me find the right medication. I hope we can find the right ones.I just feel so utterly alone… My alters are fighting for control of the body… Amilia is so angry and Lucy is just so emotional… Stacey is just so self-conscious. She doesn’t want to eat. Amilia wants to harm the body… She is just so angry. She would prefer it if the body ided… What she doesn’t realize is that if she kills the body, she kills herself.

therapy session today eating issues

So, today in therapy, we talked about my eating issues. We discussed how my eating issues directly related back to my past  and to my abusers. My counselor told me that my anger was rightfully placed and that I was validated in my anger. She did tell me however that I needed to place that anger on my abusers and not on myself. She told me that if I continue these behaviors, that it’s only giving power back to my abusers.

randomness about therapy

So today’s therapy session was really intense. We talked about the abuse I went through, and we also talked about how that relates to me wanting control and trying to gain it by cutting or restricting my food intake. It’s a ccatch 22 though, because in reality, the food is controlling me. I almost cried. I wrote a poem and showed it to my therapist. He says I hould publish my poems. I wouldn’t know where to start with that. Most of my poetry is all about my abuse. I had nightmares all last night about the stuff that happened to me. I have some good news. I finished my breakfast this morning!! I’m so proud of myself. I’m not sure when this will happen again. I didn’t finish my lunch this afternoon though. Hope all is well with all my other blogging friends. All the best, sending virtual hugs.

update for November 19th 

I can feel a major depressive episode coming on. It just feels like a million weights are on my shoulders. I just feel so alone. I just want to be happy. I’m so done with this depression. It can go away. I want control back over my life and food. It’s getting harder and harder to eat my food. I just want my life back. It’s like I’m slowly fading into the darkness. I just want out.

frustrated

I’m so frustrated. Earlier today one of the residents brought up something about their past abuse. It triggered me. We were standing in line for lunch. That wasn’t the time to bring up something like that. I barely ate anything at dinner tonight. I was so upset and frustrated. I just wish mental illness didn’t exist. I wish I didn’t have to be on medications at all. My depression is coming back.