So, I’m feeling discouraged. I was told by Crisis Text Line that they needed a note from my doctor for me to continue training. The person at crisis text line thinks the training material is triggering me, but it’s not. I can do this. I’ve always wanted to do something like this. I can do this!!!!!! I just need someone to believe in me!!!!!
So, I’m really struggling with suicidal thoughts and flashbacks… I wish I could make them go away. I wish I could just be normal… These suicidal feelings are crushing me… I just want all this to stop…
So, I’m feeling sad today… Having thoughts of the abuse we went through. Trying not to let thoughts of suicide come back into my mind. Amilia really wants to cut right now… We have things we could use…. but we know if we cut it wouldn’t be good for us. So, I had four more littles introduce themselves to me. Their names are Angellica, Sara, Melissa, and Becky. Becky is four, Sara is 9, Melissa is 6, and Angellica is 7. So now in all there are nine of us. I don’t know if I’ve discovered all of my alters yet or not. Just feeling really lonely, and could really use someone to talk to. I could really use a friend right now. It’s like 5:49 Am here where I live, and I’ve been awake since 5:02 this morning. Thoughts keep spinning through my mind. I don’t know what to do with it all. I go on Tuesday for my academic advising appointment at college. I’m supposed to meet with my DRS counselor to on that day. He knows about our DID diagnosis. I love my counselor. I asked her what she would do if we were ever in a crisis, and she said she would send me to the hospital if need be. I just really need a friend.
So I’m using my Brailleationote to write this post on my computer. Getting a lot done with this little device.
so, I had to ask God for forgiveness because I went through a phase where I said I didn’t believe in him. The thing about borderline personality disorder, is that my beliefs and thoughts can change in an instant.
I’m feeling like I’m the only one with DID. I know it’s not true, but it feels so lonely right now. Anyone available to talk? If so, you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I could really use a friend right now. Trying to make it through this rough patch.
So, Amilia is threatening to kill me. I don’t know what to do. She doesn’t have anything to use to do anything. I would appreciate friends to talk to right now need someone right now.
Trigger warning: talk of sexual abuse!!
So, I’m starting therapy on Wednesday for the sexual abuse I went through as a child… I’m afraid the therapist won’t know how to handle the dissociative identity disorder… What if it’s to much for her to handle? Amilia is also very angry that we are going to therapy again… She doesn’t want to talk about the abuse… It’s happened in the past that when I go to therapy, they can’t handle my problems so they passed me off to someone who they thought could handle my problems. I just don’t want that to happen again. I have all these what ifs running through my mind… If anyone has experienced this, please let me know how you coped with this.
So, on Saturday, I went into the hospital for suicidal thoughts and because Amilia was threatening to kill me. I got an official diagnosis of Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). It was suh a relief to have the doctors believe me… I’ve been telling them for years about the people in my head, and they finally believed me. I’m so happy to finally get tis diagnosis because now this means I will get the propper treatment. Overall, this hospitalization was a good one.