apartment inspection and other things

Y apartment inspection. I also cant get a PA for at least the next 8 months. I cant afford to lose this place. Don’t know what to do. The center for independent living cant help me. Im freaking out right now. I cant be homeless!!!!!!!!!!!!

trigger warning: talk of MK abuse…..

So I have just learned that we are a system who suffered through MK Ultra abuse or mind control/programming. I found out that Amilia has been programmed by someone to kill us if things keep coming out that were meant to be hidden. I don’t know what to do about this. I just hope we can find treatment. I don’t know if there is treatment for this in IL. We have an appointment on Monday to see our therapist, but don’t think we will tell her right away as we think this is way over her head. I’m shocked at what I have learned, but I have also learned that I can’t let things shock me anymore, because we’ve already survived the worst things, the abuse. All I know is we need help, and people are turning a blind eye, no pun intended to our needs. I just hope we can get help and get it soon. There is a program through our local department of rehabilitation services program called the home services program. I know there in the process of that, but it could take up to six years for me to even get in. This program offers PA services, intermitent nursing care, medication monitoring through the PA, adult daycare, and respite services for people with disabilities under the age of sixty. We could really use some support right now as littles are freaking out, and some of the other insiders are still bent on this suicidal programming. I hope this has not triggered anyone.


Living independently? And Therapy?

Hi everyone,

So everyone told us that we could live independently, well myself, Rayette, I think you know what I mean. Well anyway, they told us this, and I believed it, but now I’m not so sure. The agencies that were supposed to help can’t. The living independent living center told me that they couldn’t provide the adaptive equipment that I needed until I was 65 because I didn’t qualify for the bureau of blind services program. My caseworker is less than reliable because she supposed to take me to doctors appointments and what not, but after my appointment, I have to find a ride home, because I get out of the appointment and find that she has left. Also when she makes appointments to meet with me she cancels at the last minute or calls me and tells me that she can’t come, or she comes and then tells me that she can only stay for a few minutes when I was prepared with a lot of information to give her or had a lot to talk to her about. The services coordinator of the apartment building that I live in was frustrated because she had to come in before she left for work to help me label my microwave so I could use it. I’ve had to resort to online 30 which I pay for out-of-pocket because my insurance won’t cover the therapy that I need. I get a medical reduction for this from the department of human services for my food stamps benefits, but I was supposed to have a live session with my therapist tonight, and I messaged her and she never replied so the session never happened. I’ve had to resort to online therapy sorry for the mistake, I’m using dictation on my phone.

Computer charger update!!!!!!

So, I got a new charger for my computer yesterday. Looking forward to posting my blogs from my computer again. so, I’m doing really well today actually. I had no nightmares last night at all. I just want to thank all my blog readers for reading my blog, and happy reading.

suicidal alters…

So, I have some alters who are suicidal… They’re just not wanting to live… I might have to drop my college classes because I haven’t gotten my books yet. I just wish I could finish school….. I just want to get through it…. Really struggling right now….

[categories personal, suicide, crisis]

anorexia coming back

So, I think my anorexia is coming back. I hate eating. I hate gaining weight. I think if I eat that food, it will make me fat…. I just wish I didn’t have such irrational fears of food… I just want to be normal…

Friday ramblings

So, today has been a good day. My alters are cooperating with me at the moment. I’m going to go to Burger King at 5:30. I wish my posts could be longer, but I don’t always remember what I did during the day because my alters protect me with amnesia from knowing what happened.


So, I’m so happy. Things are really looking up for me. I got the batteries removed on Tuesday the Sep. 6th. I’m almost done with crisis text line training. i had to drop my college classes because I couldn’t do both. It was to stressful. I’m really looking forward to working with these amazing people.