email I sent to my therapist about being real…..

Hi,

It’s Ray, and I have a question….. Am I real? Sometimes, I feel like a shell of a person…. I feel deep sadness and pain and hurt and heartache, but I have to wonder, are those feelings real? Am I real? Are the people inside me real? Are they just figments of my imagination? Some days I know they’re real, but other days, I’m not so sure. Some days, I doubt the DID, but other days when I come back to find that 3 or 4 hours have passed and things have been done that I have no memory of have happened, then I can’t deny it. But I still have to wonder, is all this real, or am I just crazy???

Ray

Psychiatrist is leaving and Cardiology update

So, our psychiatrist is leaving on the 14th of December. The office wasn’t even going to call his patients and tell them. They’re just going to send a letter in the mail giving us our options. They said it could be months before we see a psychiatrist again. I went to the doctor’s today because my heart was skipping beats. It was skipping like 4 or 5 beats in a minute. Sometimes it would be fine for a minute or two and then it would just go back to skipping. I had to go to the hospital outpatient clinic to get an EKG done. They’re putting another 48-hour Holter monitor on on the 29th. Plus, our internet is down, so I don’t have my computer to email people or to block with or do what I do on my computer. Our next psychiatrist appointment was supposed to be on January 4th. We haven’t seen him since the 31st of October. Don’t know when we’ll see a psychiatrist next. This couldn’t have come at a worse time with all the dissociation and everything that’s going on right now.