Hi, it’s Ray, and I just cant keep doing this. I need something for this depression. There are insiders who are stockpiling our sleep meds and anxiety meds. Although, you cant overdose on buspar. We cant go to our local ER because people don’t understand… Our caseworker told us that the ER didn’t want us there anymore and to not go there again for psych. To go to the next city would cost us $40 which we don’t have. Just could really use a friend.
HI, ITS AMILIA, AND I JUST CANT DO THIS. I BOUGHT A BOTTLE OF TYLENOL. GOING TO TRY AND GO TO SLEEP TO GET MY MIND OFF THINGS, BUT IF I CANT….. I DON’T KNOW. SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE SUPPORT. I COULD REALLY USE IT RIGHT NOW. FEELING LIKE I WANT TO JUST END THINGS……
So, we had our psychiatrist appointment yesterday, and the doctor put me on Ambian for sleep and Buspar for anxiety. He said he couldn’t put us on anything else because of the possibility of us overdosing….. I can understand that, but I need something for this fucking depression and these mood shifts. I told him about our panic attacks that would get so bad that I would end up dissociating because I would get so overwhelmed that another part would take over and end up doing harm to the body. He’s starting me off on ten MG of Buspar three times a day and five MG of ambian at bedtime. The manager of the clinic is working on getting me into an inpatient program for trauma disorders. I hate it when people tell me that Jesus can heal a chemical imbalance. I hate stupid religion. I don’t like it when people throw Scripture at me like it’s the answer to everything. If things would be solved just by praying about it, then we wouldn’t need meds or therapists, and the psychiatrists and therapists would be without a job. Don’t know how much more of this depression I can take.
so all the doctors that we keep seeing at the ER just keep telling us that they can’t help us. I told them that Amilia was suicidal, and in fact, she had been the one to take the two overdoses. The doctors simply said the ER wasn’t the place for us. I told hem that at least it would keep us safe so we can work through some things. The doctor said he couldn’t help with the alters, but we weren’t expecting hem to do that anyway. It’s just a really hard time for us, and with all the realizations we’ve had lately, we think it would be in our best interest to seek inpatient treatment. Plus what with all the eating issues and such going on…. I just don’t know. What are people’s thoughts on when to hospitalize for DID when doctors keep giving you the run around????? Thansk.
So, I took an overdose of our meds, and they still sent us home…. We don’t know what to do from here… I’m doing all I can to keep the system safe, but I’m running out of ideas. Also, others within the system I don’t know who have been spending our money that would normally be used to pay the bills. So, now I don’t know if we will have enough money to pay the bills. Amilia now is mute because a doctor told her she was a game… What are we suppose to do now when one of us is suicidal because apparently going to the hospital isn’t working. We should not have survived on what we took.
So, we are all feeling very alone tonight. The agencies that were supposed to help us or letting us down. We had to find alternative therapy because the therapist that is they set us up with when we were in the hospital knows nothing about our condition. That therapist doesn’t know anything about trauma. The agency that could help us with independent living can’t because I’m not over 65 but I’m over 18. I just don’t understand. Having trouble managing Mantz by myself, because it’s like someone else takes over before it’s time to take them and we end up missing doses. That’s not good, because I take Depakote, and if the blood level of that medication gets too low, that’s just not a good thing. My psychiatrist saw me last Wednesday, and he’s not seeing me again until 31 October. My therapy is online, so I hope this works. My caseworker is an exactly reliable. One of my teachers was texting me the other day and she asked me well isn’t this what you wanted to live on your own, but she was talking from a person with a visual impairments point of you. She doesn’t know what it’s like to live with mental illness and a visual impairment. If anyone has any tips they would be greatly appreciated. I’m so tired but can’t sleep go to sleep or I’m too afraid to go to sleep because of the nightmares. They’re just getting more and more vivid. I woke up this morning and it wasn’t me who was out. I came out around noon because I heard the crockpot boiling and it brought me back to myself. So that was kind of scary.
So, I’m really struggling a lot. a lot of alters are suicidal… I just wish I could make them see that they have the right to live. I just wish I could make it through school… I wish I didn’t have to drop my classes… I’m really struggling a lot…
So, I now live in a shelter care. They do everything for you like cleaning, laundry and cooking. My doctor put me here after I went back to the hospital for running out of meds. My foster mom said it wasn’t her job to take care of a twenty three year old’s medications. I’m trying to grt into a place called Mercy Ministries which is a six month residentail treatment program that’s free of charge. I’m going through the application process now. Hope I can get in. Wish me luck.