So we had therapy today, and Tabbitha came out and talked to our therapist. She said how she was afraid of the hospital and how she was afraid of the dark alters. She’s afraid of what Amilia will do. She doesn’t trust any of them. We’re supposed to make a list of all the atlers and their jobs. Gelana told us to do our best on making the list. We’re supposed ot make a google doc for the file so she can see it so ebverythime it needs updating, she will be able to see the updates. She also wants us to make a list of our tirggers that trigger the others to come out. She did the assessment for DID and confirmed it.
So everyone told us that we could live independently, well myself, Rayette, I think you know what I mean. Well anyway, they told us this, and I believed it, but now I’m not so sure. The agencies that were supposed to help can’t. The living independent living center told me that they couldn’t provide the adaptive equipment that I needed until I was 65 because I didn’t qualify for the bureau of blind services program. My caseworker is less than reliable because she supposed to take me to doctors appointments and what not, but after my appointment, I have to find a ride home, because I get out of the appointment and find that she has left. Also when she makes appointments to meet with me she cancels at the last minute or calls me and tells me that she can’t come, or she comes and then tells me that she can only stay for a few minutes when I was prepared with a lot of information to give her or had a lot to talk to her about. The services coordinator of the apartment building that I live in was frustrated because she had to come in before she left for work to help me label my microwave so I could use it. I’ve had to resort to online 30 which I pay for out-of-pocket because my insurance won’t cover the therapy that I need. I get a medical reduction for this from the department of human services for my food stamps benefits, but I was supposed to have a live session with my therapist tonight, and I messaged her and she never replied so the session never happened. I’ve had to resort to online therapy sorry for the mistake, I’m using dictation on my phone.
So, I’m doing really not ok…… Thoughts of suicide are coming back. I just wish I knew how to manage all this. Suicidal thoughts are filtering from my alters to me. I’m learning new coping skills in therapy that should help me better handle all this. I’m in a bit of a crisis right now…. Alters are all in upheaval right now about going back to school. I just wish I could fix things. I wish I could make things calm down. I wish I could make people calm down. Amilia was programmed to kill the body shouldthe memories come out, and she will stop at nothing until that’s done.
So, tonight has been a wild one. My foster mom and I had a long talk and ironed out some things in our relationship. Then I talked to our friend Maria for like two hours.
So, today I went to therapy. It was a good session. We filled out paperwork, and then she asked me a bunch of questions, and I asked her a bunch of questions. She has worked with trauma survivors but hasn’t worked with people with DID, but she’s willing to learn. That’s always a plus, right?
Sent from my iPad
So, it’s erica and I’m 11. I’m scared to go to therapy. I just wish people would believe us because we’re not lying about the DID.
s Rayette, and I wish people would believe me. The DID isn’t being made up at all. 95% of cases arre unnoticeable. You wouldn’t even know the person had DID unless you asked. them.
Sent from my iPad
So, it’s like 3:30 where I live right now. I went to sleep around 8 last night and forgot to take my meds. I think one of my alters was trying to tell me that they didn’t want to take the meds because it reminded them of the cult. That’s as far as I will go with that.We finally had a nurse last night who got us. She told us to reach out for help in any way we could. She found my blog, and she really liked it. She thought it was a great idea for me to share my thoughts with the people on the Net. Wishing I would have taken our meds last night because not doing so has left us awake at this hour of 3:30 AM.
So, things are looking up for me. I had my care plan meeting today where we discussed my goals for the next three months. I also found a new therapist. She accepts my insurance and she treats DID. She also does Skype sessions. I’m really looking forward to this..
[categories personal, alters, DID, dissociative identity disorder]