good newsffffffffffffffto !

So I get to go to the trauma disorders program. I’m getting Meridian Medicaid starting on December 1. Ikm looking forard to this. I also found a therapist who understands DID. She’s willing to consult with my current therapist and provide additional support since mycurrent therapist knows not a lot about DID.

SOS!!!!!!

So its Rayette, and im just feeling like total crap. Weve had five suicide attempts in the past month no make that six. We keep going to the hospital for help after each attempt, but they keep sending us home. Dealing with programming stuff and feeling very triggered and alone. Just need a friend. Just want to die!!!!!!!!! There are alters who have plans that they feel like they have to go through with them because of the programming… Someone please talk to us!!!!!!!!!! Just want to end it all!!!!!!!

CANT DO THIS!!!!!!

HI, ITS AMILIA, AND I JUST CANT DO THIS. I BOUGHT A BOTTLE OF TYLENOL. GOING TO TRY AND GO TO SLEEP TO GET MY MIND OFF THINGS, BUT IF I CANT….. I DON’T KNOW. SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE SUPPORT. I COULD REALLY USE IT RIGHT NOW. FEELING LIKE I WANT TO JUST END THINGS……

Amilia

psychiatrist appointment

So, we had our psychiatrist appointment yesterday, and the doctor put me on Ambian for sleep and Buspar for anxiety. He said he couldn’t put us on anything else because of the possibility of us overdosing….. I can understand that, but I need something for this fucking depression and these mood shifts. I told him about our panic attacks that would get so bad that I would end up dissociating because I would get so overwhelmed that another part would take over and end up doing harm to the body. He’s starting me off on ten MG of Buspar three times a day and five MG of ambian at bedtime. The manager of the clinic is working on getting me into an inpatient program for trauma disorders. I hate it when people tell me that Jesus can heal a chemical imbalance. I hate stupid religion. I don’t like it when people throw Scripture at me like it’s the answer to everything. If things would be solved just by praying about it, then we wouldn’t need meds or therapists, and the psychiatrists and therapists would be without a job. Don’t know how much more of this depression I can take.

Rayette

Amilia feeling like shit

So, it’s Amilia, and I’m feeling like total shit. Just want to fucking die. Just really need a friend. Cant take the memories anymore….. Please if anyone’s out there, I need someone. Please feel free to email me at

Rayette.rucker23

I will answer. You can also comment on here.

accused of medically abusing the hospital ER

So we’ve been accused of medically abusing the hospital ER because we’ve been there o many times. They told us the next time we go there at all, they will have us committed to an institution, have the state take guardianship and take away my rignhts. Cant even go there for medical issues. Well, fuck them and theuy’re stupid fucking hospital which is by the way named Pass Away Hospital.

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going to end it

ITS AMILIA AND IM JUST DONE. THE HOSPITAL DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT US. JUST GOING TO KILL MYSELF….. RAYETTE TRIED PLEADING WITH THE DOCTOR, BUT TO NO AVAIL. WE CANT LIVE BY OURSELVES WITHOUT THE PROPPER SUPPORT. JUST GOING TO SLIT MY FUCKING WRISTS….. JUST WANT THIS FUCKING PAIN TO STOP!!!!!!!!!

AMILIA AGE 16

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trigger warning: talk of MK abuse…..

So I have just learned that we are a system who suffered through MK Ultra abuse or mind control/programming. I found out that Amilia has been programmed by someone to kill us if things keep coming out that were meant to be hidden. I don’t know what to do about this. I just hope we can find treatment. I don’t know if there is treatment for this in IL. We have an appointment on Monday to see our therapist, but don’t think we will tell her right away as we think this is way over her head. I’m shocked at what I have learned, but I have also learned that I can’t let things shock me anymore, because we’ve already survived the worst things, the abuse. All I know is we need help, and people are turning a blind eye, no pun intended to our needs. I just hope we can get help and get it soon. There is a program through our local department of rehabilitation services program called the home services program. I know there in the process of that, but it could take up to six years for me to even get in. This program offers PA services, intermitent nursing care, medication monitoring through the PA, adult daycare, and respite services for people with disabilities under the age of sixty. We could really use some support right now as littles are freaking out, and some of the other insiders are still bent on this suicidal programming. I hope this has not triggered anyone.

Rayette

Update time!!!!!

Hi everyone, I’m doing OK   today besides the fact that amount keeps telling me she wants to die. I wish I could could type this with my voice.